Chronic Illness: Dealing With Well Intended Remarks

We may find ourselves shocked to realize just how much we are the on the hearts of loved ones who are a part of our life. They may actually be worrying more than we realize about our illness. So when they make comments we are left wondering about their intent.

We can do our best to rise above the hurt feelings we experience set us back emotionally. We see that we need to and recognize the concern in their hearts.

There are moments, the "wounds from a friend can be trusted", as it says in Proverbs 27:6. This is because the comments are completely communicated out of ignorance. The people we are counting on to be understanding are struggling to say whatever it is that can communicate their care. Their comments, however, just come out in a way that at times results in being interpreted all wrong.

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In 1993 when I was 24 and diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis my life changed rapidly. Those individuals at my church and people at my job felt no reluctance in telling me their opinions about my chronic illness

As a 24-year-old young woman, residing a thousand miles away from my hometown the the choices I had to quickly make about the treatment options were overwhelming and serious. I meticulously poured through brochures and paperwork researching medications, therapies and alternative treatments.

I went out of my way to see specialized doctors, such as rheumatologists. I looked closely at different medications and their instant side effects, alongside the long-term outcomes of deciding not to use certain drugs.

The mixed up advice from people who had never even heard of my chronic condition felt like a personal attack on my level of common sense. I know that may sound as though I was too sensitive, however. . . that is how it felt. My emotional side thought "The nerve!'

But of the people who simply made ignorant remarks, it is those who had opinions about the genuineness of my faith that stung even more than the others.

Have you ever had what Proverbs 18:2 says is a friend that "finds no pleasure in understanding but delights in airing his own opinions"?

When I was first diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, seeking advice from people who had traveled this unexpected road, I read the inspirational autobiographies of Christians who who had endured physically suffering, Joni Eareckson Tada and Dave Dravecky.

They have, and still are, hearing the similar remarks and even insults, that I heard. I grasped onto the promise that our Father was the only one who truly saw my heart.

If strangers were able to share these heroes in the ministry of suffering regarding how they didn't have enough faith to be totally be given the gift of healing, what made me believe that I was exempt from similar criticisms and skepticism? If you find yourself wondering if something is not right with you due to the fact that people tell you don't have enough faith to be healed, guess what? You are not alone.

In addition, I've heard some rather derogatory comments, and it's always a struggle to simply smile and say, "I appreciate your concern, but I don't necessarily agree."

Many times it feels as though everyone who is well, desires me to have a ministry for those who are healed or a ministry that tries to "get people healed" by demanding a certain formula that they think God uses.

To be honest, I just do not have that passion for a ministry that focuses solely on healing. Many of those already exist. And although I would rejoice at being healed, the zeal that God has placed on my heart is the sort of ministry where people are right now– usually, still ill. I want to meet people wherever they are before they have experienced a healing. I want to be a part of in the ministry that sticks around if healing never comes on on their days on earth.

Through the organization I began in 1996, Rest Ministries, for people who live with chronic illness I have been privileged to have the opportunity to exhibit and speak to many audiences, including pastoral leadership and hospital visitation teams, as well as those coping with chronic invisible illnesses. At every event, however, I am vulnerable to being told, "If you had enough faith you would get healed."

Frequently people observe the table of our resources and books and then say, "This is terrific, but you should try 'fill-in-the-blank-alternative-treatment-here,' and then the Lord would heal you, and then you could have that be your exciting ministry!"

In some strange way, though I still to get upset with the limitations and a generation of my disease, I am just beginning to understand the Bible verse 1 Peter 4:13. It speaks of considering it "pure joy to suffer for Christ." If this means that I will have to "walk the walk" (or someday wheel?), then I will do so.

And I am not alone in this regard. You may find many people with chronic visible and invisible disabilities confess that though they are not especially "joyful" about their circumstances they have discovered that life is more meaningful, even though bittersweet, due to the suffering they have experienced.

Yes. . . I hate pain! And I get tired of it. God does give us grace and endurance to get through another 24 hours. He also provided the Israelites manna so they could live one more day, solely depending on Him. I confess, like the Israelites, I have my moments I want to complain, "L-o-o-r-d, I'm tired of the manna!"

One will realize in time, however, that as she grows closer to the Lord the things people say will become less important and they will slip off of us much easier than we once fathomed. Although it can feel as though people are intentionally trying to say things that hurt, most often the pain they cause is not even known to them. Grow close to God and your faith in man will decrease and the emotions won't be so painful.

Does it feel like no one understands what you are going through? Author, Lisa Copen explains in her book "Why Can't I Make People Understand?" more tips to get past the need for friends to empathize. Read it today so your life can be overflow with joy, not frustration.